By Rabbi Sara Rich

A well-known teaching from Aesop’s Fables says, “Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true.”  Sometimes, we hope very much for something to happen, but it happens in a way that does not live up to our dreams.  

In the Torah portion this week, Toldot, we encounter our matriarch Rebecca experiencing one of these disappointing moments. Abraham’s son Isaac is Rebecca’s husband. During Abraham’s life, God promised that his descendants would be a great and numerous people. This promise is meant to be fulfilled through the line that continues with Isaac and Rebecca. Unfortunately, they struggle with fertility, and they fear that they will not be able to have children, and not see the realization of Abraham’s blessing.  

Then, the Torah tells us, God blesses them, and Rebecca becomes pregnant. With twins! Only, she does not enjoy a blissful pregnancy of glowing skin and delightful butterfly flutters in her womb. Instead, she feels that the two babies in her womb are fighting, struggling with one another. In a moment of great distress, Rebecca exclaims, “Im ken, lamah zeh anochi?!” (Gen 25:23). These five simple words offer many options for their translation, and over the generations, Jewish Torah scholars have debated their meaning. A simple translation offers, “If so, why is this me?” Here are a few ways that our scholars have interpreted her lament: 

Rashi, the renowned Medieval French commentator understands this verse to mean, “If they are going to struggle like this, why did I long for this pregnancy in the first place?!” In other words, she is miserable. Physically, their movement is painful and disruptive to regular life. Emotionally, she worries – if they are fighting like this now, before they are born, what will happen once they have to coexist in our family? She cannot understand how this experience can be the answer to her prayers and asks herself, “Why did I want this?” 

Ibn Ezra, a 12^th century Spanish commentator, teaches that when Rebecca started feeling the turmoil in her womb, she asked the other women in her community, “Is this normal?” When they told her that they had not experienced anything like what she is feeling, she asks “lamah zeh anochi? Why is mine like this?!” It feels unfair that she should be cursed with a pregnancy this challenging when those around her have not had similar struggles, and she cries out, “Why me?!” 

Chatam Sofer, the work of a leading early 19^th century European rabbi, explains that Rebecca is speaking from a place of deep anguish. She thinks, “If I do not have children, it is like I am dead. But if this suffering is what it takes to have children, then why live?!” Her question, “Why am I alive?” should not just arouse our compassion for her pain, but it should cause us to worry about her safety.  

In each of these three interpretations of Rebecca’s grief, we can find cries for help of various levels of severity. In this first, we hear from a woman berating herself for hoping for a pregnancy that is now a struggle. In the second, we hear the anguish of someone who is suffering alone. And in the third, we hear Rebecca questioning her existence, perhaps wondering if she can still go on. 

To each of these possible interpretations of her question, may we answer Rebecca with compassion, and a helping hand. So many who suffer from anxiety, depression, and other mental illness feel that they are alone, and that nothing will help. The upcoming holidays can be a particularly challenging time, and I would like to offer some resources that might be helpful to you or any loved ones or friends who are in distress: 

1. Jewish Family Services of WNY offers counseling and resources for a wide range of mental health concerns. Visit www.jfswny.org or call 716.883.1914. 
2. Crisis Services is a 24/7 crisis hotline. Visit their website for additional options, https://crisisservices.org or call 716.834.3131. 
3. The Blue Dove Foundation raises awareness about mental health issues in the Jewish community. Their website has extensive resources and programs: https://thebluedovefoundation.org/ 
4. This is an additional list of Jewish mental health resources, compiled by an educational organization, Prizmah. 

In her deep despair, Rebecca turns for help, and God is able to offer her some understanding of what is taking place inside of her. We can commend her strength in persisting through this difficult physical and emotional challenge. There are times when we question “Why?!” Why are we how we are, why is life how it is? May we seek the support we need during these painful moments, and may we reach out to others so that they do not have to struggle alone. 

Sara Rich is the rabbi of Temple Beth Tzedek in Williamsville and an educator with Buffalo Jewish Federation.