By Rabbi Sara Rich

This Shabbat, my family is thrilled to be celebrating our daughter Miriam’s bat mitzvah. We knew this day would come, but the reality of Miriam becoming a bat mitzvah as part of such a loving, caring community exceeds our wildest hopes for what we wished for her when we held her at her Simchat Bat (baby naming).

The Torah portion this Shabbat is Shelach L’cha, and it just so happens that at my bat mitzvah (cough) 29 years ago, I also read from Shelach L’cha. In this Torah portion, we join the Israelites on their journey in progress. There is much excitement about the Promised Land of Canaan, but also fear about what it will be like. God says to Moses, “Send agents to scout the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the Israelite people; send someone from each of their ancestral tribes, each one a chieftain among them” (Numbers 13:2). Moses has many questions that he wants the spies to investigate: concerns about the quality of the land, what the people living there are like, and so forth. When the spies return, they bring good news, and bad news. The good news first: the land is fertile, just as God promised. They even bring back a sample of fruit as a souvenir!

And now, the bad news. Ten of the twelve spies claim that the people who live there are giants, and that the Israelites look like grasshoppers in comparison. This report sets off a frenzy among the community, who are certain that if they go into the land to conquer it, they will die. They are inconsolable, even as Joshua and Caleb, the remaining two spies, try to reassure the Israelites that they will be just fine.

As we look forward to the teaching on this parasha that Miriam will offer to the congregation this Shabbat, I have been reflecting on the d’var Torah that I delivered at my synagogue in Bowie, MD during my bat mitzvah service.

Here is an excerpt:

“In the beginning of my portion God gave permission for the spies to scout Canaan. He gave them a chance to make a mistake, to lose faith in God, or to do the right thing, believe in God. You can’t have someone lead you by the hand through everything. You must make your own choices and take responsibility for your actions. If you make the wrong choice, as the Israelites did, you must suffer the consequences.”

Dang, Sara! Pretty judgmental for a 12 year-old! And yet, that level of judgment is pretty on-par for an adolescent. The psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg famously described stages of moral development. In his system, adolescents are often in a “conventional stage” of moral reasoning that prioritizes following rules and preserving social order. The next level of moral development is the “post-conventional” stage, which doesn’t abandon the importance of rules, but understands that life is more complicated, and that there are times when compassion is more important than judgment.

It took me some time, but I got there. As I have matured, I have come to understand that judgment is powerful, but it isn’t always the right response. Compassion, practiced within the boundaries of rules, can be just as profound.

The Talmud tells us that God prays the following prayer: “May it be My will that My mercy overcome My anger; that My mercy prevail over My other attributes; that I conduct Myself toward My children with the attribute of mercy; and that, for their sake, I go beyond the strict letter of the law” (Berachot 7a).

May we pray the same for ourselves, that our mercy can overcome our anger and prevail over our other attributes. May we conduct ourselves towards our children, and towards all of the people in our lives, with the attribute of mercy. And may we learn, again and again, when to stand by the letter of the law, and when love asks us to go beyond it. Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Sara Rich serves as the Rabbi of Temple Beth Tzedek. She also serves as a Senior Jewish Educator with the Buffalo Jewish Federation. This Jewish Thought of the Week is dedicated to Miriam B. Rich, who deserves credit for teaching her mother how to show compassion.